The Force Was With Us This Year—l to r, Geoffrey Arend II, Emily Arend, Mark Hamill and Flossie Arend.

Dear Santa,

     I know it’s late in the season for wish lists. You travel the entire world delivering presents in a single night, so it’s brazen of me to ask for anything on Christmas Day, as it’s -1 day’s notice. In addition, I am far too old to be asking you for anything. But, after taking stock, I’ve realized I’m at the age where I am far too old for nearly everything, so maybe you can make an exception, allowing for the generosity of the Christmas spirit. I asked you for a puppy for god knows how many years and you never delivered, so I think you owe me. Cut an old broad some slack.
     It’s not a long list. Some might say there’s not a thing on it you could do anything about. But I’m sending it out into the universe anyway, because let it be the niggling thing that pesters you at night instead of me. You have 364 days where you’re not busy doing anything. You can take it.

1.  Please renew The President Show on Comedy Central. My husband, Anthony Atamanuik, has done an astounding job creating, writing, and producing a unique piece of comedic art/activism that deserves to last as long as this presidency. Enough people have expressed its necessity in helping to preserve our collective sanity. We need it. The resistance needs it. And goddamn it, it’s funny. That he’s forced the electorate to think and laugh at the same time is a feat unto itself.

2.  After you complete the above, bring my sister, Emily, deeper into her work at the show. This year she joined The President Show ranks as a production assistant, performing tasks that ran the gamut from fetching props from New Jersey to crunching numbers to lending a comforting presence during Anthony’s anxious moments. It was no surprise when the accounting department snatched her up and swiftly set her to work. She’s a skilled factotum, knocking out anything lobbed her way. Lob more things her way.

3.  Give Ralph and his new wife, Anuradha, many happy years ahead. They were just married this past summer in a lovely event that drew together both families in a 4-day celebration in New York City. They continue their celebration with an event in Dhaka, Bangladesh, in mid-January. Send them nice weather, good food, and lots of love.

4.  Please give my brother, Geoffrey, more directing opportunities. He had his first directing job this year with an upcoming episode of Madam Secretary, (airing January 7 ) and the experience stoked a strong fire in him. I haven’t seen him this excited in a long time. Everyone involved with the show loves what he’s done so I probably don’t need your help with this, but it can’t hurt. Maybe have all the elves write the network after the episode airs.

5.  This one I don’t think you can do without breaking into my house but you seem pretty good at that. Just a heads up: I don’t have a chimney. That might make your job a little harder. Also, I watch and listen to a lot of true crime stories, so if I catch you it could get ugly. But if it is possible, can you please DVR all the shows Christina is starring in this year so I don’t miss them? I also need tickets to all the movies she has coming out. She’s starring in the upcoming television shows Good Girls and The Romanoffs, as well as the movies The Strangers: Prey At Night and Egg. She also had a lot of movies come out this year that I haven’t seen yet. Please send DVDs.

6.  Teach Lulu (pictured here with cousin ZuZu) how to drop the ball. We’ve got her sitting, staying, and giving paw, but she will not, for all the bones in the world, drop the damn ball. She falls asleep with it in her mouth. When the doorbell rings she borks instead of barks because it’s still firmly wedged between her teeth. My mother thinks it’s like her pacifier.

7.  Please keep my mother and father in good health and continue to make FlyingTypers a unique, expansive publication. I know you must have a hand in its success as you are our only true rival when it comes to circulation. If only we had your reindeer and sleigh, the things we could do. While you’re at it, send love, health, and copious good wishes to all our readers, friends, and family flung near and far. We do this for them and their faith in us keeps us going.

8.  Lastly, there is something I’d like for myself. I know, asking for additional gifts is audacious after a list this long. But please send me a muse. I’d like to write some short stories, possibly even try a graphic novel. I like science fiction, fantasy, true crime, and horror as genres. I think you already sent Thalia to Anthony, so maybe tap Calliope if she isn’t too busy.

Merry Christmas!

Love,
Flossie
P.S. If you are unable to fulfill any of the above requests, please send a puppy. I’m still waiting.